not fumbling as hard

i understand why people make milestones out to be such a big deal. with each one, things get a little bit easier. maybe by just one more minute to breath. it's good news for me, new motherhood has not been very graceful. right now ziya is eating the cardboard off the toilet paper roll, and i'm fine with that. she was working on one side getting it all nice and wet, so i turned it to the other side so she wouldn't bite off that one, but she took it from me and turned it back to the other side. i'm just gonna let her eat that until there are little pieces coming off...

i also let her pull on the blinds. i'm sure these things are some sort of hazard. probably a lot of hazards. whatever. i'm not in the other room while she is eating cardboard and pulling on blinds and juggling knives. i'm doing all those things with her. see, now everything is fine.

her new thing is saying 'bih bih' all the time. we go into the bathroom and she looks in the mirror and starts waving and saying 'bih bih.' i always ask her where she is going, but she never tells. she's just a mystery like that.

i would like to say that she is sleeping really well, because she has been for the past few days, but things will likely change if i bring it up, so i'm not going to say anything at all. nothing...

in the spirit of making fun of myself, i'll just let you know that this post is very appropriately titled considering i started this post at 9 this morning, and i am just now finishing it at 12.17 am. it took me 15 hours to write a paragraph, basically.

sweet. good night!

poo city

we started ziya on food.  om, wow.  for about 4 days straight all she did was poop.  i thought that she might be sick, dehydrated, something...  probably because i am now, officially, a hover mother.  or i've got a case of the munchausen.  i'm not sure.  for instance:  ziya got a fever last week, 101.5, and i was sure she had meningitis and was going to die and we HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW! NOW! NOW!  then, she started with all this poop and i was convinced that the soft spot on her head had sunk and...  jeez.  she is still pooping constantly, though.  well, just more than she was.  every time i go to get her our of her crib, stink bomb.  i'm not sure if it's because i was not in her room right before she woke up so she could see me when she did, and since i wasn't she was all pissed and through her yelling at me she grunted out some, cough, shit.  or if she poops in her sleep and that's what wakes her up.  i'm thinking it's the former.  not to mention when i put her in her jump around saucer swisher, it's like the prime poospot.  i love our pediatrician, though;  he doesn't make me feel like a freak, even though i call him 24/7 and we're bestis now.  dr. abrams is the best!

so, back on the food tip.  i bought:  6 plums, 1 bag of ungrated stem carrots, tofu, asparagus, 1 yellow squash, and i already had brown rice, all of which organic, and i spent $19.47-ish.  peeled the plums, squished 'em off the core right into the blender.  i chopped up the veggies, steamed the asparagus and squash for 5 minutes and the carrots for 10.  put all those in the blender [separately]  with some of the water from the steam.  i didn't have any ice cube trays, so i used the breastmilk bags and squished all the air out of 'em.  measured 2 tbsp into each of them and put it in the freezer.  that took probably all of an hour with all the prep work.  you could just buy the carrots already grated and cut up, but it's more expensive that way.  you don't have to peel the squash, just cut off the ends and then slice.  chop up the asparagus.  that made... 37-40 bags of food.  2 tbsp. per bag; ziya eats 3 bags, plus 2 tbsp of tofu and rice, total in a day.  so, i've spent about $1.50 a day at 13 days of food.  roughly $45 can feed my 7-month old organic, homemade food for a month.  however, if i had been able to buy it from a CSA distributor, it would have been even cheaper.  [going to one tomorrow]  oh, and to thaw it out, i just hold the bag in my hands.  you can put it in hot tap water, too.  so easy!

now, if only chris and i ate 8 tbsp. of food a day.

give that memory away

i have these memories that kind of stagger in and out of my life.  i don't like them because i feel like i haven't moved on from it, whatever it was.  in an effort to feel like i have moved on, i decided to give the memories back.  to the universe maybe?  i go on walks and that's typically when i am thinking a lot and so i often give them to trees i pass by.  take a moment to really talk it all out of my head so the tree fully hears me and can keep it and i don't have to think about it anymore.  it's not mine!

i've been wanting to listen to azure ray lately, and forgot about how music holds memories really well.  or, maybe i just stop listening to certain music so i don't have to think about the feeling anymore.  then when i go back to it years later, it's not quite so bad.  i can remember that over-emotional state that i was in.  all dramatic emotions that i often laugh about now.  how did that person stir up so much from me?  and talk about some staying power!  i just gave away the memories maybe a month ago or so and that was after at least 5 years of scratches on the back from memory.  or that memory.  or this one.  OH, TUMULTUOUS LOVE!

chris and i have such a low-key relationship that it's hard for me to understand that i was even like that.  well, chris and i have had some dramatic points, but the guy is always wrong when the girl is 1] drunk - go figs. 2] preggo from hell...  and you really can't blame a her for those.  not drunk and pregnant - two separate occasions, by the way.

our anniversary passed by and we didn't do anything.  not even a mention of it.  we both forgot.  it doesn't matter.  i spend less time documenting and remembering dates and more time focusing on what is happening now.  making new memories.

appliance purchase makes me an adult... or just poorer

oh, man.  after doing a bunch of research on washers and dryers, i finally bought one.  a dryer, that is.  what?  it was the cheapest.  and i actually did buy the washer as well, but i returned it immediately...  as in, i hadn't even taken my hands off the counter as catalyst to leave the store.  i couldn't help it!  i wanted to choke putting down so much money at once.  i got this really weird feeling in my body and chris and i were texting back.and.forth and he said ziya just woke.up screaming out of nowhere, so i took it as a sign.  i've never spent that kind of money.  i mean, we still have 2 weeks and 5 days until we are into our new apartment so that gives me extra time to try and find an even better deal.  

until then, THIS DRYER BETTER BE AMAZING...  not drying anything.

my world

for my birthday, chris had a star named after me.  apparently, Aries RA 2h 34m 28s D 24' 28', is now called Anna Kathryn Love.  it's my own world!  or maybe it's just a black hole with the sun's reflection.  i like to think of it as my own little planet with people running around doing stuff.  kind of like sims, i control them.  and not really controlling at all, but just saying 'hello!' and watching them, because i love to spy on people.  but i keep picturing the phantom toll booth and how that book became alive when i watched the movie.  in that old, cartoony-way, anyway.  

soul glow.  let your soul glow.  let your soul gloooow.

hanging out

deonne came o.t.p. [good job!] today to hangout with us.  these are a few shots we got of ziya with deonne's camera.  i'm trying to figure out blogger, i always use livejournal.  i'm sure it's not really different.  i haven't edited these photos, cropped or anything - i don't have a program on my computer.  once i get photoshop, this might possibly be a blog worth reading.  i wouldn't count on it, though.